Moved.

April 25th was a very long time ago. I'm aware of that. At the same time I had to sit down and think for a few moments about how momentously my world has changed.

The big and insanely obvious one is that I moved.

For a lot of people thats a very trivial thing to say. People move all the time. It isn't really a big deal for someone to move. But it really is.

I moved away from the onyl place I've ever lived. I didn't just move down the street. I moved provinces. I moved five hours away from the only place I've ever called home. Not just the house, but the city. I moved away from everyone I love and everyone who loves me. It was a very big thing. It still is, and I'm not really sure if it has sunk in yet.

Sometimes I walk around the apartment like I'm in a hotel, or I'm just chillin' here for a while. Every once in a while however, it hits me. This is where I live. This is my apartment. This is my place. In effect, this is my home. It's a very big adn terrifying and beautiful thought.

I miss home. There are some days I miss home so much it physically hurts. Some days I don't notice that I'm not at home. Some days i feel like I've always lived here and this is how it's always been. Those are the scariest thoughts of all.

I miss my family. I see my parents more often than anyone else I know who lives away from home. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder. I should have taken time off this summer and spent time with my family. That was a mistake that I'm not going to be able to repair. I don't think I'm ready to be on my own, but I don't think anyone really is.

I miss my friends. I don't know very many people here. Those I do know, I don't know well and I haven't seen in a very long time. I'm sure we aren't the same people we were. I miss being able to call any number of people when I was bored. I miss doing nothing with people who don't know that they mean as much as they do.

This new city is big. I never thought of home as small until I looked out my balcony one night and couldn't see where this city ended. It was almost smothering. I have to remind myself that it isn't as bad as it seems so I don't find myself becoming very claustrophobic. Something I didn't know I was until I moved here.

I started in a new school. I started a new degree. I did this alone. I can't remember a time when I didn't know anybody at a place I was going. I always knew someone, I always had a safety net. I don't have one here. I've made friends. Which is actually quite a feat for me. I usually let the few friends I have make friends and then sort of latch onto them. I'm quite proud of this.

I've officially started my life. It would be a lie to say I wasn't petrified. Because I am. I'm overwhelmed, scared, proud, uncomfortable, calm, frantic, sad, angry, and alone. But overall I'm okay. At least I will be soon.


QUOTE: If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there - Lewis Carroll