April 25th was a very long time ago. I'm aware of that. At the same time I had to sit down and think for a few moments about how momentously my world has changed.
The big and insanely obvious one is that I moved.
For a lot of people thats a very trivial thing to say. People move all the time. It isn't really a big deal for someone to move. But it really is.
I moved away from the onyl place I've ever lived. I didn't just move down the street. I moved provinces. I moved five hours away from the only place I've ever called home. Not just the house, but the city. I moved away from everyone I love and everyone who loves me. It was a very big thing. It still is, and I'm not really sure if it has sunk in yet.
Sometimes I walk around the apartment like I'm in a hotel, or I'm just chillin' here for a while. Every once in a while however, it hits me. This is where I live. This is my apartment. This is my place. In effect, this is my home. It's a very big adn terrifying and beautiful thought.
I miss home. There are some days I miss home so much it physically hurts. Some days I don't notice that I'm not at home. Some days i feel like I've always lived here and this is how it's always been. Those are the scariest thoughts of all.
I miss my family. I see my parents more often than anyone else I know who lives away from home. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder. I should have taken time off this summer and spent time with my family. That was a mistake that I'm not going to be able to repair. I don't think I'm ready to be on my own, but I don't think anyone really is.
I miss my friends. I don't know very many people here. Those I do know, I don't know well and I haven't seen in a very long time. I'm sure we aren't the same people we were. I miss being able to call any number of people when I was bored. I miss doing nothing with people who don't know that they mean as much as they do.
This new city is big. I never thought of home as small until I looked out my balcony one night and couldn't see where this city ended. It was almost smothering. I have to remind myself that it isn't as bad as it seems so I don't find myself becoming very claustrophobic. Something I didn't know I was until I moved here.
I started in a new school. I started a new degree. I did this alone. I can't remember a time when I didn't know anybody at a place I was going. I always knew someone, I always had a safety net. I don't have one here. I've made friends. Which is actually quite a feat for me. I usually let the few friends I have make friends and then sort of latch onto them. I'm quite proud of this.
I've officially started my life. It would be a lie to say I wasn't petrified. Because I am. I'm overwhelmed, scared, proud, uncomfortable, calm, frantic, sad, angry, and alone. But overall I'm okay. At least I will be soon.
QUOTE: If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there - Lewis Carroll
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
Tommy's mum found out, but he put the blame on me and Ray
some things i've been pondering.....
am i really grown up enough to live on my own?
why are some covers of songs better than the original? for example The Ataris' cover of Boys of Summer vs. the original, and the Dixie Chicks' Landslide vs. the Stevie Nicks original.
Why is the Punisher in a very Captain America-esque outfit?
Why is everything Joss Whedon touches so damn good?
and finally, would i really bother coming back?
BOWIE!QUOTE: I had to resign myself, many years ago, that I'm not too articulate when it comes to explaining how I feel about things. But my music does it for me, it really does.
am i really grown up enough to live on my own?
why are some covers of songs better than the original? for example The Ataris' cover of Boys of Summer vs. the original, and the Dixie Chicks' Landslide vs. the Stevie Nicks original.
Why is the Punisher in a very Captain America-esque outfit?
Why is everything Joss Whedon touches so damn good?
and finally, would i really bother coming back?
BOWIE!QUOTE: I had to resign myself, many years ago, that I'm not too articulate when it comes to explaining how I feel about things. But my music does it for me, it really does.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Tommy lit a fire one day, nearly burned the field away
So....Edmonton....that's the plan at least.
I guess it's finally time to get off my ass and 'make something of myself'.
It's a scary thought.
Now I just have to finish filling out my application, get my transcripts, and write a portfolio. The first two should be painless. As for the portfolio....I kind of want to throw up just thinking about writing it. I don't write nonfiction. I'm no good at it.
It's sort of like starting all over again. Which I'm not too crazy about.
I bought the Outsiders today....it didn't make me feel any better. Also, I didn't get tickets to 300, so now I have to go tomorrow. That probably made me feel worse.
In four more years I'll have a Bachelor of Applied Communications in Professional Writing.
I still don't know what that means.
I guess it's finally time to get off my ass and 'make something of myself'.
It's a scary thought.
Now I just have to finish filling out my application, get my transcripts, and write a portfolio. The first two should be painless. As for the portfolio....I kind of want to throw up just thinking about writing it. I don't write nonfiction. I'm no good at it.
It's sort of like starting all over again. Which I'm not too crazy about.
I bought the Outsiders today....it didn't make me feel any better. Also, I didn't get tickets to 300, so now I have to go tomorrow. That probably made me feel worse.
In four more years I'll have a Bachelor of Applied Communications in Professional Writing.
I still don't know what that means.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Tony climbed a tree and fell, trying hard to touch the sky
Okay so....I know I never post in here. And that sucks. For me. Because that means I'm breaking a promise I made to myself - and those are the most important kind. I just haven't had anything to write about.....until now.
I just found out the most depressing news.
Joss Whedon dropped out of the Wonderwoman movie.
yeah. i know.
It actually breaks my heart a little bit because i know that he would have stayed true to the comics...and now whoever takes it over won't. And because I miss Joss Whedon like no one's business. I mean Season 8 is coming eventually...but even that's not enough. I really wanted him to do this movie, it has SO much potential. ugh. I'm broken.
You can read all about it here.
I'm going to cry now.
I just found out the most depressing news.
Joss Whedon dropped out of the Wonderwoman movie.
yeah. i know.
It actually breaks my heart a little bit because i know that he would have stayed true to the comics...and now whoever takes it over won't. And because I miss Joss Whedon like no one's business. I mean Season 8 is coming eventually...but even that's not enough. I really wanted him to do this movie, it has SO much potential. ugh. I'm broken.
You can read all about it here.
I'm going to cry now.
Monday, January 22, 2007
But we will be, very shortly
I really should be reading for Art History. I mean, it's not like I have anything profound to write about. Or anything to write about at all.
I started watching House. I realize I'm late in jumping on that bandwagon, but at least I came around. Now, it can be argued that the show is unrealistic. But it is on television. At least they didn't put it in space. Or a shire.
All of the medical problems that arrive at the doorstep of Dr. House, are real and treatable. I checked. So what makes this show so much better than ER, or Grey's Anatomy? Okay, bad idea. You can't compare three shows like that. They aren't about the same thing. They may all be set in a hospital, but they aren't about the same things. Grey's Anatomy has chosen to focus on the lives of the interns, the relationships that they go through, the surgeries they want, the trials and tribulations that it takes them through to get to where they want to be. And it's entertaining, and funny, and a lot of times ridiculous. But the characters are strong, they don't flip flop between being two different personas, like a lot of television characters do. And they're realistic. I know a few guys like Alex, and more than one girl like Meredith.
Er should just admit that it's run is over. It won't, but it should. ER has always focused on the insanity that is an emergency room. Thus the namesake. The characters are interchangeable through the seasons, it doesn't matter that George Clooney left because now there's a John Stamos, who might as well have kept the characters name. ER is a revolving door, despite the fact that only one person has come out of it with a recognizable career, people still jump at the chance to play doctor whatever on season 97.
House is a different story. It focuses around one person, the asshole who is too smart for his own good and knows it. There are a bunch of other characters, who I'm sure everyone can relate to...that is of course the purpose of a supporting character. But House is honest and blunt...a little crazy....and mean. He's definitly a character. The main complaint I've heard about this show is that they don't just let doctors work like that. You can't have a trial and error on a patient. My response to that is to laugh wholeheartedly at your naivety. Of course House is always going to come up right because it's a TV show, and no one would watch it if he kept killing people. Well....I would. But I doubt many other people would. I watch House because I wish people were that blunt. It would make life easier..and more comical. I watch it because it's funny, and because it's available to rent.
I will continue to watch Grey's Anatomy....I'm not too sure about ER, not that I ever watched it religiously, but it's run it's course...twice. But now I think I'll add House to my fandom list.
There's always room for one more.
Oh and in case Dr. Wilson looks familiar and you can't figure out what from...he was Neil in Dead Poet's Society.
BOWIE!QUOTE: I believe that I often bring out the best in somebody's talents.
I started watching House. I realize I'm late in jumping on that bandwagon, but at least I came around. Now, it can be argued that the show is unrealistic. But it is on television. At least they didn't put it in space. Or a shire.
All of the medical problems that arrive at the doorstep of Dr. House, are real and treatable. I checked. So what makes this show so much better than ER, or Grey's Anatomy? Okay, bad idea. You can't compare three shows like that. They aren't about the same thing. They may all be set in a hospital, but they aren't about the same things. Grey's Anatomy has chosen to focus on the lives of the interns, the relationships that they go through, the surgeries they want, the trials and tribulations that it takes them through to get to where they want to be. And it's entertaining, and funny, and a lot of times ridiculous. But the characters are strong, they don't flip flop between being two different personas, like a lot of television characters do. And they're realistic. I know a few guys like Alex, and more than one girl like Meredith.
Er should just admit that it's run is over. It won't, but it should. ER has always focused on the insanity that is an emergency room. Thus the namesake. The characters are interchangeable through the seasons, it doesn't matter that George Clooney left because now there's a John Stamos, who might as well have kept the characters name. ER is a revolving door, despite the fact that only one person has come out of it with a recognizable career, people still jump at the chance to play doctor whatever on season 97.
House is a different story. It focuses around one person, the asshole who is too smart for his own good and knows it. There are a bunch of other characters, who I'm sure everyone can relate to...that is of course the purpose of a supporting character. But House is honest and blunt...a little crazy....and mean. He's definitly a character. The main complaint I've heard about this show is that they don't just let doctors work like that. You can't have a trial and error on a patient. My response to that is to laugh wholeheartedly at your naivety. Of course House is always going to come up right because it's a TV show, and no one would watch it if he kept killing people. Well....I would. But I doubt many other people would. I watch House because I wish people were that blunt. It would make life easier..and more comical. I watch it because it's funny, and because it's available to rent.
I will continue to watch Grey's Anatomy....I'm not too sure about ER, not that I ever watched it religiously, but it's run it's course...twice. But now I think I'll add House to my fandom list.
There's always room for one more.
Oh and in case Dr. Wilson looks familiar and you can't figure out what from...he was Neil in Dead Poet's Society.
BOWIE!QUOTE: I believe that I often bring out the best in somebody's talents.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Intermission
I'm fucking terrified right now. No jokes. I'm holed up in my room, every light in the house on, cowering in a corner with a steak knife terrified. This is what happens when you turn 21. I'm never watching television alone in dark house again. Ever.
My house makes weird noises.
Also, I don't know how to work the thermostat so I'm freezing. Apparently telling my parents I would be fine while they went away for a leisurely weekend at the coast was a big fucking lie.
I'm pretty sure I should not sleep with this steak knife, but i'm having trouble putting it down.
My stomach hurts. It might be the bag of marshmallows I had for dinner. Or the brownies I had for lunch.
Steph was supposed to message me back so I didn't go crazy. She didn't.
I got a shiny new belt buckle today. Even that thought didn't make me any less terrified. But I just heard a very weird noise and I didn't like it one bit.
I wonder if anyone has ever been murdered mid-blog.
Okay let's never think that thought again.
I hope my dogs okay. I'm assuming she is. I'd go down and check on her but I'm a bit too busy freaking out.
This is not a fun way to spend a Thursday night.
If I don't get some sleep school is going to be heinous tomorrow.
And I really have to go to class because I haven't been going, and it's important to go.
I'm fucking terrified.
My house makes weird noises.
Also, I don't know how to work the thermostat so I'm freezing. Apparently telling my parents I would be fine while they went away for a leisurely weekend at the coast was a big fucking lie.
I'm pretty sure I should not sleep with this steak knife, but i'm having trouble putting it down.
My stomach hurts. It might be the bag of marshmallows I had for dinner. Or the brownies I had for lunch.
Steph was supposed to message me back so I didn't go crazy. She didn't.
I got a shiny new belt buckle today. Even that thought didn't make me any less terrified. But I just heard a very weird noise and I didn't like it one bit.
I wonder if anyone has ever been murdered mid-blog.
Okay let's never think that thought again.
I hope my dogs okay. I'm assuming she is. I'd go down and check on her but I'm a bit too busy freaking out.
This is not a fun way to spend a Thursday night.
If I don't get some sleep school is going to be heinous tomorrow.
And I really have to go to class because I haven't been going, and it's important to go.
I'm fucking terrified.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
It's only 5 o'clock, and we're not tired yet
Okay......in case anyone has been wondering what's been up.
My computer hates me. No jokes. Right now I'm writing from the university. But yeah, Windows crashed (again). So i had to reformat my computer. Luckily Brett was there to help. But for those of you who don't know......reformatting your computer means everything you ahev on your C drive gets deleted. And although I have a brand spankin' new external harddrive I wasn't even a third of the way done backing up my shit. So that meant that two thirds of everything on my C drive was going to be lost....by this point i was crying on the inside.....then we tried to take my computer apart. Literally. We took my computer apart into several little pieces.....Dell sucks by the way because you can't jsut life off the bottom. So that failed. Then we were going to try an install Windows on a different partition. I didn't know you could ahve partitions on your hard drive...then only excuse i haev for that is that i'm a girl. Cliched or not, that's my excuse. That didn't work either. And Windows wouldn't install on my external hard drive because Windows is a bastard. By this time it's been almost two hours of Brett wracking his brain trying to figure out what the hell to do.
We went on the internet....it's a handy tool.
We found out how to get the hard drive out of the computer, it's seriously more complicated than it sounds i promise. So he took my harddrive and did some computer voodoo, and managed to put my hard drive in his computer so that he could download everything onto my external hard drive, his name is Otto.
So then once everything was on my external hard drive we deleted the little laptop harddrive (Billybob). Then reinstalled windows. WE watched Space Jam too. But now i don't have any of the drivers for my laptop. So we spent another half hour trying to figure out what the hell came with my computer. Then dwonloading the right drivers, because while i'm sure my computer came with a disk....i have no idea where the hell it would be. I'm that organized. so now i have to try and remember what the hell Dave, my moms tech guy from work, did to our computers to allow us onto the internet.
The point of this entire rant is back up your shit. And soemtimes it's a good thing that professors hadn out readings and handouts. Because when your computer crashes and you can't get onto the internet.....life sucks. A lot.
Plus side....now my computer is set up so that if it ever crashes again everythign will be safe. I made a new harddrive partition. Don't ask me how. But i did.
And I finally got the rest of Beth's Christmas present so i don't feel like such a dick.
OH and I turn 21 on Friday. Which I'm not too psyched about, but I will be at Whiskey Jacks all night so everyone should come and sing me kareoke......preferably something from the 80's, and i like when it's offkey. Seriously, it amkes it better.
All fo this has made em decide that I'm not going to class. I have to brave the shitty ass weather and go home and fix my computer because I have to download everythign again. Like antivirus shit....and limewire....and other things to help me steal.
Random thought...what is in the Anarchist's Cookbook? I mean....other than bomb shit. I'm curious.
As for school......my English class is getting better, I like learning about trashy dime novels. Um...My social control class, whcih is starting right now, is.....decent. I wanted to learn about crazy people. That's cool though, the prof is pretty cool. He sounds like donald sutherland. My Roman Civilization class, which i was told would be easy.....isn't. IT's a lot of reading, and all of it's online, needless to say I haven't got a alot done. My Art History class is good, the teacher is a crazy bitch, think Samantha from Sex and ther City if she had Charlotte's job. And she's all over the place, so my notes are insane, but it'll be cool.
Okay i'm done, and going home.
i don't have my Bowie quotes with me.....
My computer hates me. No jokes. Right now I'm writing from the university. But yeah, Windows crashed (again). So i had to reformat my computer. Luckily Brett was there to help. But for those of you who don't know......reformatting your computer means everything you ahev on your C drive gets deleted. And although I have a brand spankin' new external harddrive I wasn't even a third of the way done backing up my shit. So that meant that two thirds of everything on my C drive was going to be lost....by this point i was crying on the inside.....then we tried to take my computer apart. Literally. We took my computer apart into several little pieces.....Dell sucks by the way because you can't jsut life off the bottom. So that failed. Then we were going to try an install Windows on a different partition. I didn't know you could ahve partitions on your hard drive...then only excuse i haev for that is that i'm a girl. Cliched or not, that's my excuse. That didn't work either. And Windows wouldn't install on my external hard drive because Windows is a bastard. By this time it's been almost two hours of Brett wracking his brain trying to figure out what the hell to do.
We went on the internet....it's a handy tool.
We found out how to get the hard drive out of the computer, it's seriously more complicated than it sounds i promise. So he took my harddrive and did some computer voodoo, and managed to put my hard drive in his computer so that he could download everything onto my external hard drive, his name is Otto.
So then once everything was on my external hard drive we deleted the little laptop harddrive (Billybob). Then reinstalled windows. WE watched Space Jam too. But now i don't have any of the drivers for my laptop. So we spent another half hour trying to figure out what the hell came with my computer. Then dwonloading the right drivers, because while i'm sure my computer came with a disk....i have no idea where the hell it would be. I'm that organized. so now i have to try and remember what the hell Dave, my moms tech guy from work, did to our computers to allow us onto the internet.
The point of this entire rant is back up your shit. And soemtimes it's a good thing that professors hadn out readings and handouts. Because when your computer crashes and you can't get onto the internet.....life sucks. A lot.
Plus side....now my computer is set up so that if it ever crashes again everythign will be safe. I made a new harddrive partition. Don't ask me how. But i did.
And I finally got the rest of Beth's Christmas present so i don't feel like such a dick.
OH and I turn 21 on Friday. Which I'm not too psyched about, but I will be at Whiskey Jacks all night so everyone should come and sing me kareoke......preferably something from the 80's, and i like when it's offkey. Seriously, it amkes it better.
All fo this has made em decide that I'm not going to class. I have to brave the shitty ass weather and go home and fix my computer because I have to download everythign again. Like antivirus shit....and limewire....and other things to help me steal.
Random thought...what is in the Anarchist's Cookbook? I mean....other than bomb shit. I'm curious.
As for school......my English class is getting better, I like learning about trashy dime novels. Um...My social control class, whcih is starting right now, is.....decent. I wanted to learn about crazy people. That's cool though, the prof is pretty cool. He sounds like donald sutherland. My Roman Civilization class, which i was told would be easy.....isn't. IT's a lot of reading, and all of it's online, needless to say I haven't got a alot done. My Art History class is good, the teacher is a crazy bitch, think Samantha from Sex and ther City if she had Charlotte's job. And she's all over the place, so my notes are insane, but it'll be cool.
Okay i'm done, and going home.
i don't have my Bowie quotes with me.....
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
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